Outlier—What I will say in one year

I didn’t have the typical college experience. I avoided the parties, the social scene and instead opted to become an adult. I had 2-3 jobs at a time and volunteering while being a full time student in one of the hardest majors out there. It was never easy but it only made me stronger. College was all about my “selfish years” I decided to focus on myself, my faith, and my future. Today I am a badass because I became a “real-world” adult when I moved out at age 17. It’s been five years and unlike many other college students I will not be returning home. I know what it is to be an adult I have been one for the past five years. I’m ahead of the game. I am more confident in myself then I’ve ever been. While others are scared to be out of college I’m excited because I will be one step closer to my career. I can move mountains from whichever part of the world I’m at. I have always been grateful for the support both my mom and my dad have provided. They have been there collecting each tear when I’ve been frustrated and upset; still it was never an option to quit. I continued stronger each time and both my family and myself know I was meant to be a sun devil. After all, they did raise an independent woman. I have had my ups and downs but I managed to surpass each obstacle life threw my way. I may not have been able to dodge each one but I sure did put up a fight. Five years later I have accomplished more than others can say for themselves. It is the joy I hold within myself that allows me to continue into the path I am on.I’ve succeeded in more than one way; college definitely shaped me; it gave me the opportunity others didn’t seek. I am at an advantage simply because my “real world” was college—take away being a student I was already living the life of a grown up, I have experience while others are trying to catch up.

ASU was my journey in these past years, my next stop will be Cornell. I am hoping NY will treat my better than AZ did but if that is not the case I am ready for the challenge. I’m not holding anything back nor am I losing this opportunity. I carry my goal deep in my heart. With great passion, understanding, and patience I will be successful.

It drives me insane..

It drives me insane that I can be the only one who believes with all my heart that everything is going to change. I have struggled to come to terms with something that has happened years ago. And now what 7, 8 years after, it happens again. Why? Why? Is it my fault? Am I to blame? I can not figure out the common denominator. Is it me?! I was just starting to get better. I was just starting to cope. To cope with the anger, the disappointment, the hurt; but for what if I have fallen once again and I can not climb out of this dark hole. I have no more in me to keep fighting. No more to stand up against the waves and reach shore. I have struggled for the past seven, eight years with these denom. I thought I had conqured it all. Now what. Now this denom has swallowed me whole again. How can I continue when my world is collapsing all around me. I have no more hope. No more trust. I have anger and disgust. I have sadness. I have nothing. All I wanted was to succeed and be happy; to be what I was destined to be. Is it not possible to have success without having to be torn apart. Why? Why?! Why are we deserving of this, what have we done; is this my past haunting me; is this a sign;; a sign of what, that this will be my life forever. Why do these so called “men” exist; why are they out there like leeches just trying to suck the life out of anything beautiful and possibly out of everything that they are not worthy of. I’m sick of the betryal,the hurt, the pain, the anger, I only wish I never find myself in this position again or to be the other side of the story. I’d rather just be myself alone, quiet, and emotionless than to be the core of this denom. I have nothing else to stand for, nothing else to express. I feel so numb, Is this real; I don’t know what this is; I’m confused; I’m lost; I’m disoriented like a river of words flowing I have no direction.